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Author Topic: Jokes & one liners  (Read 31418 times)

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Offline Oz Bolt

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Re: Jokes & one liners
« Reply #330 on: January 04, 2018, 03:42:29 am »
Those are BAAAAD......

Sent from my HTC One M9 using Tapatalk

Here's something a bit more humerus then
Good things come to those who wait...greater things happen to those who get off their arse and do something about it.

Offline Oz Bolt

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Re: Jokes & one liners
« Reply #331 on: February 11, 2018, 03:34:39 am »


    “Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?”

    “No sir, it's Google Pizza – we bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. Do you want your usual, sir?”

    “My usual? You know me?”

    “According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms on a thick crust.”

    “OK! That’s what I want.”

    “May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole-wheat gluten-free thin crust?”

    “No, you may not! I don't like vegetables.”

    “Your cholesterol needs help, sir.”

    “How the hell do you know?”

    “We cross-referenced your mobile with your medical records, and have the result of your blood tests for the last seven years.”

    “Listen, I don't want your vegetable pizza, and I take medication for my cholesterol!

    “Excuse me sir, but you don't take your medication regularly. Our database indicates that you only filled a prescription for 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Soul Pharmacy, four months ago.

    “I bought the rest at another pharmacy.”

    “Not according to your credit card statement.”

    “I paid in cash.”

    “Sir, you didn't withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.”

    “I have other sources of cash.”

    “That doesn’t show on your last tax return, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”

    “WHAT THE HELL?! Goodbye, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and all this crap. I'm moving to an island without internet, cable TV, mobiles and jerks watching and spying on me.

    “I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired six weeks ago.”
     

Good things come to those who wait...greater things happen to those who get off their arse and do something about it.

Offline Oz Bolt

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Re: Jokes & one liners
« Reply #332 on: April 17, 2018, 08:11:06 pm »
This applies to....
Good things come to those who wait...greater things happen to those who get off their arse and do something about it.

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Offline Oz Bolt

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Re: Jokes & one liners
« Reply #333 on: April 20, 2018, 08:29:32 pm »
Think I have done enough to make sure of my reservation.
Good things come to those who wait...greater things happen to those who get off their arse and do something about it.

Offline Oz Bolt

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Re: Jokes & one liners
« Reply #334 on: May 25, 2018, 05:54:16 am »
Post turtle...
Good things come to those who wait...greater things happen to those who get off their arse and do something about it.