Oz so true, throw red hair into the mix and hold on!
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Oz so true, throw red hair into the mix and hold on!
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Then it probably wont come as a surprise that both my parents were rangas and up until I was in my late teens I was a ranga. :)
One for Easter
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare-line ;D
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
okay...that's not really a joke, it's more a question ;D
We like looking at the Miss America contestants.
My inconclusive travel plans for all of 2014
I have been in many places,
hmmm, have you ever been in Dildo? convoluted logic I know but wtf do Newfies know lmfao!!!!
hmmm, have you ever been in Dildo? convoluted logic I know but wtf do Newfies know lmfao!!!!
That was quite exciting, but I ended up with a flat battery ;D
Could have just gone down the road to Come-By-Chance..... :))
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My Dad grew up in Saskatchewan in the '30's and always used to say that it was so flat that you could stand on a sheet of newspaper and see the back of your own head.
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Saskatchewan makes Nebraska look like Colorado.... ;D
Worlds largest airstrip - Quarter million square miles - just watch out for gopher holes and fence-posts...... ;D
Saw this on the Community Classifieds wall at the grocery store next to my beach house. I laughed my head off....my wife offered to write one for my bike immediately.....I stopped laughing
I gave my wife £50 and told her to go out on Thursday and leave me in peace while I watched World Cup football.
"I won't need that much," she laughed.
"You will," I said. "It's got to last you five weeks."
Oz Bolt, I don't get it. Maybe 'cause I'm a dumb American.
Norm, that's pretty bad but I admit I laughed out loud!
Oz Bolt, I don't get it. Maybe 'cause I'm a dumb American.
Norm, that's pretty bad but I admit I laughed out loud!
Have you ever heard the line "why did the chicken cross the road?" The chicken is trying to stop the duck so he doesn't have to be questioned about his bitumen wanderings Ad nauseum.
Okay, try this one D..I was supposed to look for my missing watch, but I couldn't find the time.
I'm with the Australian Tax Office....'
looking to get every "dam" cent from the poor beaver on the nickel....
10 Reasons why Harley riders don't wave
10) They're way too cool to acknowledge any non-Harley riders.
9) They're too busy daydreaming about owning a real motorcycle.
8) Their engine is too weak to handle the added wind resistance of a waving hand.
7) The Rottie (in back of the pickup truck with the tied down Harley) is easily upset by rapid hand movements.
6) Are you kidding? Risk their lives trying to control a Harley with just one hand!
5) They're too busy humming "Born to be Wild" while fantasizing about being Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper.
4) They're too busy figuring out how to pay for the next order of genuine Harley accessories (including the "official" HD calculator needed to add up the cost).
3) If we really have to tell you, you won't understand anyway.
2) They can't see you because their half-shell helmet keeps falling down over their eyes.
1) They think we are actually trying to draw their attention to the parts falling off their bikes, and they are sick and tired of it.
01) They were too busy looking down, trying to read their f’in speedo.
I figured it's not fair if we can't laugh at ourselves:Top Ten Reasons Bolt Riders don't wave10) Their ultra-hip slim-fit jacket is too tight to raise their arms.
09) They really just wish they were riding a Harley.
08) Their Sons of Anarchy bar-end mirror is about to rattle off.
07) Give them a break; It’s their first bike and they didn’t know any better.
06) They’re too busy picking it up after dropping it.
05) They’re not sure they installed their new handlebars correctly. Must ask forum as soon as they get home.
04) They didn’t see you wave through their retro-bubble shield.
03) If they take their hands off the bars, the tire wobble will take them out.
02) How would they ever hold on without a giant fairing to protect them from the wind?
01) They were too busy looking down, trying to read their f’in speedo.
Irish car hire
http://cars.uk.msn.com/features/funny-road-signs-from-around-the-world#image=35
FACTS
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realise that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is better.
4. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Fosters, Coopers, Tooheys and XXXX. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Nah, no one grabs Fosters.. the poor girl
5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Fosters, Coopers, Tooheys and XXXX. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I am sure you messed that one all up Oz. You misspelled women, her, she and woman multiple times. :o
Unless you're in prison.. :o
Makes me so glad we don't have squirrels or gophers, and that dropbears live in trees..
…….That’s when he raised his paw like he was going to take a swipe at my tire…..
Of course, in summer the damn thing doesn't go down till 11:30 pm, and it's back up around 4:30 am.....
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?This is actually one of the reasons I don't vote anymore. Call me Un-American, but the bottom line is God's will is going to be done in the end. The media has such control over people's emotion and decision making. People think I'm crazy but I don't watch TV at my house (here in the US we have to pay for cable and I refuse to). I would rather drink drain cleaner. It would be less poisonous.
okay...that's not really a joke, it's more a question ;D
A penguin is driving down the road and all of a sudden all this white smoke starts billowing out of his car's hood. He pulls over at a conveniently located service station and is told it will be 2 hours before they can take a look. The penguin says that's fine, and heads to an ice cream shop he saw a little ways back.Had a guy at work call over the radio "I blew a seal." We never let him hear the end of it.(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160616/1e8194dc8d95c7265da42c534ef053a3.jpg)
The penguin orders a vanilla cone, 2 scoops. Lacking thumbs, he makes quite a mess of the tasty desert.
Finished, he heads back to the garage. The mechanic looks up from under the penguins hood and says "it looks like you've blown a seal."
The startled penguin replies "it's ice cream, I swear!"
从我的手机。
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
....cook it in the microwave until its Bill Withers...
Oh and by the way I voted and it wasn't a liberal one that is for sure! >:(
That was funny as fukk, don't know why your panties are in a twist
Oh and by the way I voted and it wasn't a liberal one that is for sure! >:(
Thank you. When I started seeing the states that were blue in 2012 go red in 2016 I just knew Hillary was in a room some where having an epic melt down. ;D
-------------------- Hillary Visits the Indians (Feather not Dot) ---------------------------
Hillary Clinton was recently invited to speak in front of a major gathering of the American Indian Nation in upstate New York. She spoke for nearly an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s standard of living. She talked about her experience as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.
Despite Hillary being vague about the details of her plans, she seemed enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about her ideas for helping her “red sisters and brothers".
At the end of her speech, the Tribes presented Hillary with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” Honored and happy with how everything went, Hillary then left to go to a fundraiser, smiling and waving to the crowd from her motorcade
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to choose the new name they had given to Mrs. Clinton.
They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of sh*t it can no longer fly.
AND - Us Canadians told the same joke using Pierre Trudeau (Our present Prime Minister Selfie's father....) back in the 1970's when HE was PM.....
I expect that it can probably be traced back to Michaelangelo..... who INVENTED the damn parachute..... ;D ;D
And if you can't take a joke about politicians - (whom we all know are compulsive liars and hypocrites), then you REALLY need to grow another layer of skin.
Personally, I think that there was no way the US could win - both choices ought to be in jail....
Personally, I think that there was no way the US could win - both choices ought to be in jail....
Once again Oz you find an opportunity to let your feeling be known about our country. Never expect anything less from you. Why don't you protest in your streets. Oh I am sure you will say it wasn't supposed to offend any one, it's just a joke. Oh and by the way I voted and it wasn't a liberal one that is for sure! >:(
Once again Oz you find an opportunity to let your feeling be known about our country. Never expect anything less from you. Why don't you protest in your streets. Oh I am sure you will say it wasn't supposed to offend any one, it's just a joke. Oh and by the way I voted and it wasn't a liberal one that is for sure! >:(
I have posted jokes about canadians
I'm sorry
I have posted jokes about canadians
WHAAAAAAT??? You did what?!!???
Once again Oz you find an opportunity to let your feeling be known about our country. Never expect anything less from you. Why don't you protest in your streets. Oh I am sure you will say it wasn't supposed to offend any one, it's just a joke. Oh and by the way I voted and it wasn't a liberal one that is for sure! >:(
I have posted jokes about canadians, poms, kiwis and even some regional ones to other aussies - did you even notice those!!
I have travelled to Asia, Africa, Europe (including British Isles) and met many Americans and whilst this may offend you I have found them to have very little knowledge of anything outside the USA.
Oh I noticed how you get your thrills. I also noticed when a joke was made about women you had a fit and the joke was respectfully withdrawn after your whining. And to your traveling comment..... maybe that is because we don't give a shit! Have a nice day. ;D
Oh I noticed how you get your thrills. I also noticed when a joke was made about women you had a fit and the joke was respectfully withdrawn after your whining. And to your traveling comment..... maybe that is because we don't give a shit! Have a nice day. ;D
Is that the royal 'we' you're using there Buckeye or do you truly speak for the masses just like the Pres. elect you proudly defend, offend him and you offend us all type thing, c'mon. In Australia and many other countries people actively take the piss out of elected leaders at every opportunity, it's a game, played for laughs you know... no? oh well, I guess the jokes on you mate.
Hey folks, this is supposed to be jokes and one liners remember? If you get hurt feelings over a post, turn the page. If I don't like something I move on, don't stress about it there's enough to worry about in this world. Like will I get a raise in my Social Security this year. ;)
Oh I noticed how you get your thrills. I also noticed when a joke was made about women you had a fit and the joke was respectfully withdrawn after your whining. And to your traveling comment..... maybe that is because we don't give a shit! Have a nice day. ;D
Is that the royal 'we' you're using there Buckeye or do you truly speak for the masses just like the Pres. elect you proudly defend, offend him and you offend us all type thing, c'mon. In Australia and many other countries people actively take the piss out of elected leaders at every opportunity, it's a game, played for laughs you know... no? oh well, I guess the jokes on you mate.
Ok, I don't give a shit who you take the piss out of or what you do with it. My original post was about the constant bashing of the US not the Pres. elect. So get your facts straight. Have a nice DAY! Royal if you want.
Sincerely though, have a nice day, and a laugh, it's all okay.
The American sits up and simply says "She'll be right, mate"
Sincerely though, have a nice day, and a laugh, it's all okay.
Great suggestion, Let's laugh.
Sincerely though, have a nice day, and a laugh, it's all okay.
Great suggestion, Let's laugh.
An American wants to marry a Canadian girl and is told he needs to become Canadian before he can do so. It is a very simple operation where they remove 5% of your brain.
Anyway the American wakes up after the operation and the doctor comes up to him looking all worried and says "I am terribly sorry, there's been a mistake, we accidentally removed 50% of your brain instead of 5%!"
The American sits up and simply says "She'll be right, mate"
I have posted jokes about canadians
WHAAAAAAT??? You did what?!!???
Oz:
If you need a Baby for that Nativity scene - we got a Prime Minister that fits the bill......
I think I can verify the last one for you, Oz......
My ex once tried on a pair of jeans and made the mistake of asking me if the jeans made her ass look fat. Of course, smartass me had to answer honestly.
Yup - I'm divorced....
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I think I can verify the last one for you, Oz......
My ex once tried on a pair of jeans and made the mistake of asking me if the jeans made her ass look fat. Of course, smartass me had to answer honestly.
Yup - I'm divorced....
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Never blame the jeans:)
Balls is meeting a woman aircraft mechanic (for 20 years - and she was Boeing's Chief Mechanic in California at the time) and asking her if she's really a test pilot in a broom factory..... :oYou dad married his sister?
That was my Uncle in 1962...... When he met my Dad's cousin for the first time after Dad had married his sister.
Luckily she had a sense of humour; took a step back and said "I like you, you little fat sonofabitch!" and they got along great! ;D
my fingers; I could always count on them.
my fingers; I could always count on them.
Until you got to 11...... ;)
Ok, not a joke but certainly funnyGOLD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wSw3IWRJa0
Unfortunately, a lot of "Americanisms" have rubbed off on us Canucks....
Although they STILL can't figure out how to properly spell "cheque" properly....... :P And Armour, Ardour, Colour, Favour, and a whole bunch of other words have "U" in them!
Unfortunately, we've adopted the 'Merrican spelling of that, too..... ???
I stepped on a cornflake this morning - does that make me a cereal killer?Pretty sure you have to step on 3 of them first.
A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said, "I know your problem." The blonde asked, "Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."
They hadn't figured out how to push the tab down? Bright like a candle in a monsoon...... ::)
I can taste the paper in a blunt.
EnjoyThose are BAAAAD......
Those are BAAAAD......
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